One Brave Soul

I was sleepless the night before you left. For some reasons I kept on checking the time. At first I thought, it’s because I was worried we both might oversleep and you might miss your flight. But then I realized, I kept on checking the time that night because I was actually counting the hours down unconsciously. You’ll be leaving in less than 12 hours and those were the most restless hours of my life. A couple of weeks back we both were so excited about our future. We both waited for this and God did really give the best to those who pray and wait. I remember you started searching for opportunities abroad exactly a year ago. You were turned down once by the exact agency who gave you a better offer a year after. We turned down a few offers as well and you almost signed a contract with one of those agencies, but I stopped you from leaving that one Saturday morning because I said that wasn’t the path we both wanted to take.  I wanted to keep the family together, I know we can still reach our dreams together, no one has to leave. But you were persistent. As we always do, we brainstorm, we make plans, we dream together. We aim higher, because we both know we will soar higher.

December last year when out of the blue, the time you were not actively looking, God handed you, on your lap one great opportunity. You told me you didn’t even apply for it. I was amazed by how God works wonders in our life.  I prayed, we waited patiently, and then God amazingly gave us what we’ve been waiting for. Everything went smooth. It was too quick I thought. You were supposed to leave late January, but because of some visa issues, it was delayed for two weeks.  I guess maybe because like what I said on my previous blog about this, Maddie prayed so hard that you at least stay until her birthday. And God granted her wish. He really loves us like more than we could ever imagine. First week of February your flight was confirmed, thus we only have a week left. I was a bit anxious. I was in fact worried. We have never lived a life away from each other. Oh well, the last time you were away from us was during your training when you entered the BFP (Bureau of Fire Protection). But that was just for 3 months. This time it will be longer and you’re going to be miles away. And then again I prayed, Lord if this is your will; please let everything be in its proper place. Guide us each step of the way.  Give us wisdom to understand what is unfolding in our lives. I know it is not going to be easy. Since December last year whenever we go to church every Sunday, I whisper only one prayer every week. That God makes us strong. That He makes us better person. And that He will be with us every step of the way.

Back to the night before you left. I got off the bed a few times and went downstairs only to realize I have no business there. So I went back upstairs and tried to sleep. A few hours back when we were packing your stuff I went to the restroom a couple of times and cried. I said to myself, this is really happening.  You’re leaving tomorrow and I’m gonna be left alone, but of course I still have the kids, but you won’t be there anymore to help me raise our dream of having Godly kids. And during the times I was crying, I realized that strong women are sometimes also the weakest. They were once weak because they’ve been through a lot. And then they come out stronger, better.

We were heading off to Manila in the dawn of Friday, the 12th of February. At one point I asked you to slow down at bit with driving because at our pace we will reach the airport a little too early. And so you slowed down. I was pretending to be asleep but I was trying to absorb things and how it would actually feel when you finally boarded the plane and left us going home by ourselves. I even cracked a joke that I won’t have a driver anymore. Haha. Well, ever since you know I’ve been lazy to drive around and so you were always the one manning the stick. We reached our destination a few hours early and so I said there would be ample time for us to say our final goodbyes. We ate breakfast and I was all along trying to be lively and all, and you as well. We never thought we would come to a point that you would actually leave the country and work miles away. We were always together. We never left each other’s side.  We had downfalls, we were once rock bottom but we always manage to get up because we always have each other’s back. We always manage to stand back up because we are always there for each other. And if there’s one thing I am truly thankful to you is that you never left my side. You never gave up on me. You made me realize how wonderful it is to have this family.

We were watching you when you were waving us goodbye. And then you went straight ahead I stood still. I didn’t move a bit. I was watching you walk away. I was crying. No, I was crying so hard that I couldn’t hear the world around me. I said how devastating could this get? And then… you were out of our sight. I slowly walked ahead with the kids. We were going downstairs and I was crying. I saw Maddie was crying too. This is it – I thought. We’re heading home all by ourselves. It took me like 15 minutes to start the car and absorb everything. I said this is real. I took the easy route going home. I was driving along the skyway when my vision was slowly being blocked by clouds or so I thought it was. And then I realized I was crying again. I was partly blaming myself for reasons I don’t know. But then I again I went back to remembering the thing I wrote on my previous blog, we have so much dreams and that’s what we are aiming for it right now. With just a little sacrifice, they will all come to reality. We may have everything we have right now but it’s not too bad to aim a little bit higher especially for kids’ future. This is going to be one tough year but for sure but I know we have the Lord with us every step of the way. And I want you to know, your courage is what’s keeping me up. You are just like others, one brave soul and for that I am your fan. We will be here waiting til the day we see each other again. I love you to the moon and back! Keep in touch! Let the split screen romance start now! #LakasMakaALDUB

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